Too Many 'Shoulds' on Your Shoulders?

   New Year's Resolutions - Resolved!

Well it's the New Year - 2009.  I woke up one morning just before the end of 2008, realizing that it was time to write and publish this newsletter.  I groaned to myself.  What was I going to write about?  I had just had a few weeks off from having to think about anything to do with work, writing, or anything that requires obligation.  It was truly a pleasant relief from some of the daily mundane obligatory activities that we all have.  I certainly didn't have any topics in mind, and as I laid there in the early hours of the morning wondering about it, it suddenly hit me... why not write about the obligation I have to do a newsletter?

It's always fascinated me that the word 'should' -- a word that implies obligation and responsibility -- can dominate our lives in ways that can create a great deal of misery.  'I should do this', or 'I should do that' are frequently things that I hear patients say, when they don't enjoy doing something.  Should implies obligation, although it is actually only the past tense of the word shall, that does not have obligation attached to it.  Although completely unrelated in terms of derivation -- the phrase to "shoulder something" also implies responsibility and obligation.  Which brings me to my title -- do you have too many 'shoulds' in your 'should-ers'?

Is your life run by things that you should do, as opposed to things that you enjoy doing, and can you actually enjoy something that you should do?  Human beings I believe are ultimately driven and motivated by pleasure, and away from pain.  Getting away from pain and moving towards pleasure are great motivators.  Of course, we all have obligation - things that we should do so that we can actually survive and get pleasure at some point.  Personally, I prefer to find ways of doing things, even though they might be obligatory, that help me to feel good about doing them.

So in writing this piece I am in fact actually enjoying it, whereas I thought when I woke up that morning that I wouldn't because it was an obligation.  How did that change?  It changed because writing about something like "shoulds" caused me to feel a little bit excited and interested.  What if people, like you and me, could find ways of enjoying things that are sometimes mundane, sometimes just necessary, and sometimes could actually be done almost automatically without really thinking about them?

Let's take something as simple as doing the dishes.  We would all probably agree that at some point they have to be done and 'should' be.  Now, if you enjoy the process of doing dishes -- your hands in the sink, the feel of the soapsuds, the look of the pots and pans as they sparkle as you do them then great -- you have succeeded in enjoying an obligation and turned it into something pleasant.  If you don't actually enjoy doing dishes you could learn -- it could become a kind of meditation where you focus on the moment to moment experience and enjoy the sensations!  If that seems too much for you and a little off-the-wall consider this -- what if you imagine that the dishes are actually done and the kitchen is really clean and sparkling the way like it?  How does that feel when you think about it as a future event?  I would bet that you will probably feel pretty good.

Now if you had 3 ways to do the dishes which one would you choose?

1. Being driven by obligation and feeling miserable.
2. Enjoying the process.
3. Looking forward to having them done and enjoying the outcome as you do them.

Life is always about choice - your choice.  We make hundreds of choices every day.  So your New Year's resolution might be to take pleasure in the every day mundane activities either by focusing on the sensory experience of the moment, or looking forward to the experience that you will have when they are complete.  Why feel miserable when you can have fun?

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   Ghosts of Christmas Past - Gone!

   Eating & Exercise on Holiday

   Traveling in the Optimal State

Christmas can be a very strange time of year considering that it's supposed to be a celebration. Many people can get quite emotional at Christmas in a negative kind of way. I work a lot with young people in their 20s and 30s, and as a psychotherapist the post-Christmas season is often filled with people who have had emotional difficulties over the holiday season. Why is this?

There may be a number of reasons, but I think the bottom line is something that therapists call "spontaneous regression". Spontaneous regression is an emotional state that we can go into suddenly and without warning, where we begin to behave in a way that is less than our present age - usually a lot younger. Spontaneous regression is perfectly natural; it's not a disease or pathology. For example, you might spontaneously regress to a child-like state when you are buying toys in a toy store. I usually gravitate over to the train sets and get that "wouldn't it be nice if I had one of those" feelings, a kid-like feeling of excitement because I loved trains as a child. In spontaneous regression we unconsciously move into an emotional state that hearkens back to our childhood. It often happens in families when they get together during the Christmas season, after the children have been gone from the family home for some time.

Here is something that you can do before you set off for those holidays that previously may have been difficult. First of all, you need to recognize that you are responsible for your own emotional states - positive or negative. You unconsciously create those states through the representation you make in your mind of that "outside reality". That being said, the good news is that you can change a non-resourceful state to a resourceful state.  For example, if you have found in the past that walking through the door to your parent's home gives you that strange mixed feeling of warmth and uneasiness, here is an exercise you can practice so that you can feel different. The secret is to use to use your imagination.

1. In a comfortable chair, just momentarily imagine that point in time when you first begin to feel that uneasy feeling that you would like to change. Then quickly clear your mind and think about, or look at, something neutral.

2. Now imagine for a moment a memory of feeling really alive, confident, and happy with yourself as an adult - a feeling a well-being. It doesn't have to be a big thing, just one of those moments when you felt that way. Just allow yourself to experience that feeling of inside confidence, noticing what you are thinking about and visualizing it in your mind as clearly as you can. What would people be saying to you to let you know that you are feeling that way? Hear them say that now in your mind. Notice how you feel inside as you access that emotional feeling of well-being.

3. As you do that, and the feeling of confidence and well-being rises to a peak, just go ahead and touch something on your body such as a piece of jewellery that you always wear, or perhaps press your thumb and forefinger together, or even just touch your ear lobe or squeeze a finger.  Associate that touch with the feeling now. This is called your anchor. Now let go of that anchor just before the feeling reaches its peak.

4. Now just look around the room for a moment. Get up and take a break if you like.

5. Coming back to your chair, just think about going into your parent's home, smelling that turkey, or whatever it is that used to trigger those uneasy feelings around Christmas. As you think about that, and as you may begin to get that uneasy feeling, just touch that anchor that you chose and notice that you feel confident in "yourself as an adult". In fact in your mind, you can probably even walk yourself through the whole experience of Christmas feeling that feeling of confidence and pleasure.

6. Repeat steps 1-5 at least 3-4 times, to embed this new state firmly in your unconscious mind.

7. You have just learned how to anchor a pleasant state to what was a negative trigger. You can use that anchor any time you want to generate a feeling of confidence and just being yourself. That way you don't have to be at the effect of all those people around you this Christmas season. You can really celebrate who you are as a person.  Giving people the gift of who you are is really the only gift worth giving!

EATING AND EXERCISING ON THE HOLIDAY

For many people the holiday season represents a time to do something different -- get away from work for awhile, celebrate with friends and family, or just do anything we want. Sometimes that can mean that the carefully crafted nutrition or exercise program that we have been doing can run aground.  If it has been a part of your life before the holiday season, then chances are you will just let some of it go and relax a bit too much.  If it hasn't been a part of your life, then you will probably tell yourself to wait until the New Year before you begin it!

But weight! (pun intended). Maybe there is another way to do this.  Whether you are lifting weights or trying to lose weight you can keep, or even start, some of the healthy habits even though it's the holiday, and still enjoy it.

Above all don't let the holidays control you.  Take charge, be conscious. Make choices in a conscious, careful fashion, so that you can continue to enjoy all the other festivities of the season as well.

Thanks for reading this month's newsletter. See you next month!

   Influenza vaccine-yes, no, or maybe?

   Are You Speaking Out or Holding It In?

   Coughs and Colds

   Exercise-induced Cell Damage

What is a person to do?  There are a number of points to consider when thinking about whether to get vaccinated against the flu or not.  Here they are:

1. Realize that influenza is often confused with the common cold, sore throat or cough.  'Flu vaccines do not protect against the common cold or sore throat, and those who claim that they do are misinformed.
2. There are many viruses that cause real influenza.  Each year scientists attempt to evaluate which viruses are likely to be causing influenza in the subsequent year.  About once in every 5 to 10 years they are totally wrong, and the vaccine has no impact at all on the incidence of influenza in the subsequent year. That means that if you have a shot that year then you have taken it in vain.
3. Although several studies have been done in the last 10 to 15 years regarding the effectiveness of the 'flu vaccine the results of these studies are inconsistent because:

1.  
   1. Many of the people in the studies did not suffer from influenza but actually had what is called "influenza-like illness" or ILI.  This means that they may have had the symptoms of the 'flu, (often similar to the symptoms of the common cold or cough), but that the diagnosis of influenza was not confirmed by laboratory.  Studies based on this presumption are unscientific.  In Canada in 2004/2005 only 15% of those tested with ILI were positive for influenza virus.[1]
   2. Some studies on the elderly suggest that they reduce mortality and others do not.  The same applies to many of the studies in different groups reviewed over the last 15 years.  There is no evidence to suggest children less than 2 years benefit form the vaccine, and more importantly there are no studies of safety in children at all!
   3. There is a 'selection bias' in many studies suggesting that the results of the study are influenced by selection of the population studied.  This may over-estimate the effectiveness of the 'flu vaccine.

1. If you are a health care worker, evidence suggests that there is no point in being vaccinated unless the patients that you are in contact with are vaccinated as well.
2. Side effects (that we know about) are few, but there are some serious ones including a creeping paralysis known as Guillain-Barre Syndrome.  This occurs in about 1.6/100,000 people.  Its incidence may increase with the 'flu vaccine.   Supposedly reversible it can nevertheless leave you with chronic illness.  If only 1/4 vaccinations actually prevents the "real 'flu" then why risk this?
3. 'Flu vaccines contain mercury, and are derived from egg.  Those allergic to eggs and those concerned about mercury for whatever reason should avoid the vaccine. 

There are still too many unanswered questions and not enough consistent results to recommend whether a flu shot is advisable.  One of the most prominent researchers and commentators in this area is Vittorio Demicheli who has made several comments about the provincially funded Ontario, Canada vaccination program initiated in 2000.  On the heels of the 2000 decision by the Ontario government to invest $38 million of taxpayer's money in a universal flu vaccine program, Demicheli writes in the Canadian Medical Association Journal in 2001:

"Given the quality of the information available... the Ontario decision... [could be considered] an experiment, a sort of pilot project.  Unfortunately, the level of uncertainty that still surrounds the problem of influenza prevention is so high that the consequences of this decision... will probably raise many new questions and leave the crucial ones unanswered."[2]

So where does that leave you, the reader, in terms of making a decision?  In my opinion, if you are a healthy person between the ages of birth and 70, stay away from the 'flu vaccine.  If you are over 70 and you have a chronic illness that might result in increased lung infections, then the flu vaccine may be considered helpful in preventing either the flu or possible pneumonia or other respiratory infection, although some would disagree even with this advice.[3] .   If you have fibromyalgia, autoimmune disease, multiple chemical sensitivity, or chronic fatigue syndrome then you should definitely stay away from the flu vaccine.  In these chronic conditions the immune system is sufficiently compromised that its stimulation by vaccine is unwise. 

ARE YOU SPEAKING OUT OR HOLDING IT IN?

At one time or another we have probably all felt taken advantage of or hard done by.  It's an unpleasant feeling of dis-empowerment and helplessness.  Maybe something has happened, or someone has said something or done something to us that we feel powerless to change.  Sometimes it is true that we are unable to change a particular situation, because it requires that the other person change their behaviour in some way to satisfy or ameliorate our feelings and emotions.  However, when we require someone else to behave in a certain way in order to make us feel better, we immediately place ourselves in a one-down position.

A feeling of dis-empowerment can occur any time that we require external conditions to change in order to make us feel better.  For example, we buy something that doesn't satisfy our needs, or a product does not perform as expected.  This could be something we buy at the store or something that we purchase at a restaurant that doesn't taste good.  Or perhaps our boss is demeaning or a bully. Sometimes, if we don't speak out about these things, then we continue to feel cheated or hard done by.  So speaking out about what it is not right for us is important.  It helps to maintain our self-respect.

When we are at the effect of other people, it is because we believe that other people have the power to make us have certain emotions -usually negative ones.  This is impossible.  We choose how we feel.  How we perceive the world 'out there', and how we feel as a result, is our decision.  It is not usually a conscious decision, and often comes from unconscious old patterns of behaviour, limiting beliefs, and attitudes that we learned long-ago.

So take an opportunity to step towards self-empowerment by owning your emotions, and speak them out when you can.  If you think you cannot speak out your emotions in reality because you feel too scared or don't know how then do the exercise described in my blog - Are You at Cause or at Effect of the World Around You? Sometimes, even writing out your feelings and the perceived feelings of others can be helpful.  Look upon this initially unpleasant event as a learning experience, and ask yourself "how can I feel better under the circumstances and retain my self-respect?"  You can find a way to feel better.

Thanks for reading this month's newsletter. See you next month!

Protect Yourself with Vitamin D

Passive Concentration

Protect Yourself with Vitamin D!
This is the time of year in the northern latitudes when the days get shorter and our sun exposure goes downhill.  Well, it's the time to breakout the vitamin D! Research over the last several years has shown unequivocally that we become seriously deficient in Vitamin D, especially in the winter months, and even in the summer if we stay inside or use sunscreen outside.  We need at least 1000 IU/day of Vitamin D3; (Note: it's the D3 you want not the D2 sold in some forms of supplement). It's cheap and easy to take as a supplement.

Thanks for reading this month's newsletter. See you next month!